13 must-follow rules for aspiring life long unemployment
Well, the title is not misspelled or unintended. I have figured out that a majority of fresh graduates these days who are seeking a job are actually not interested to get a job. There are many articles on how to search a get a job for freshers, but there are not many resources which help freshers to not to get a job. With this article, I want to provide five easy things which can ensure that you never get a job.
Please do not read this article if you are a fresher or parent/well-wisher of a fresher who is serious about their career and wants a job. This article is only for those freshers who want to pretend to search for a job but from the bottom of their heart wants to make sure that they do not.
Here are your five ways to keep enjoying your no strings attached, fun ridden entertainment filled unemployed life which you can enjoy with free money obtained from your parents.
A. Prepare your life long unemployment in the college :
1) Do not learn any extra courses or skills. Spend your 700/- on drink, parties and all other fun but please do not register for a Udamy course with the same amount.
2) Please send your online Video watching bandwidth in watching Porn/Bigboss episodes and never ever bother to listen to great speeches/interviews/motivational seminars on youtube. Those are for looser.
3) Never bother to earn during college days. This is a bit more complex. For this to be a success you have to give away all possibilities like:
- taking classes of your junior semester students
- Acting as a guest blogger
- Finding out startups near your place and offer them your candidature for evening time/weekends.
- Please remember earning money in the college is a sin as it might tell you the value of money and importance of it which may force you to search for a job madly after college.
- Creating Youtube content
4) Do not participate in any online competitions/hackathons. They may increase your skills and you may end up getting a job!
5) Do not offer your college your time and skill to improve their website or never try to build software for department/labs. Hey, let your precious time not getting wasted in building things for the institution you belong because if you become a builder and start solving problems you may never ensure your unemployment. Do not make any extra projects that don’t give you any marks.
6) Mug up all lab programs and never try anything different. I am sure you are following this as religion and you don’t need my advice on it.
7) Do not get subject depth, please read only the question answer or any other shortcut books, please do not even by mistake use reference books. Never make your own notes and explore subjects in depth by reading web material.
8) Do not socialize much, don’t go to events. Instead, utilize the time in WhatsApp. If you start going out too much, you may acquire people’s skill and that may be harmful to your pursuit of unemployment. Even if you decide to socialize, make sure it is not beyond bars, boozing parties and so on.
9) Do not do any physical activities. No gym or sports, please! The gym is for that over-smart guy or girl in your college who wants to pursue others. If you go to the gym you may become charming, fit and full of life which might impress an interviewer and he may just fall for you. Other side effects of your physical activity include you being more confident. Confidence, charm, these are too bad for a prospective unemployed you know. Oh, if you are so desperate to play, play Candy Crush in the mobile instead.
B. Some life habits and skills needed for unemployment
10) Do not learn to sell, and if possible try to hate it. You know selling is the most important skill needed besides man management in the job market. If you hate selling, you can make sure that you are not needed by any companies. Isn’t it that simple?
11) Never get up early in the morning, at least never before 10 minutes for the first class. Remember, most successful people get up 5 AM or thereabout in the morning. These people do a lot of nice things in the morning time. So by walking up post 5AM, you can easily separate yourself from successful habit’s club.
12) Do not be charming and positive. Try to be a jerk. You see a smile is free and contiguous. So if you build a charming and happy personality, people may actually like you and that may shatter your dream of remaining unemployed for the rest of your life. So be the dry face, repulsive, negative, ever complaining human being. In that way, the interviewer can run away from you.
13) Never question “Why”. Take everything on face value and just learn how. Do not ask a question in class or in subjects or in life. So it will give you a habit of not asking a question, so that even if God forbid you to get an interview you can end it without bothering to ask a question.
I am sure there are many other great habits like not reading a book, not being creative, not being disciplined and punctual and many such super habits which you can adapt additionally to boost your chances for life long unemployment. But from my experience, I can tell you if you follow the above 13 points as a religion even God can’t shatter your dream of unemployment. God forbid even if some stupid HR guy recruits you, you can make sure that the company kicks you out sooner than later if you have been following these rules and habits.
Best of luck for your great prosperous unemployed life.