Why shouldn’t you ever say “we need to talk”

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Why shouldn’t you ever say “we need to talk”

June 5, 2019 Communication Self Actualization 0

Do you feel uncomfortable or scare someone while seeking time from another person for a tough discussion? You in all likelihood is using “We need to talk.”


“Can you suggest a suitable time? We need to talk!”

That’s it! This is a message we often use when we have something serious to discuss, without realizing that this message will put the other person in defensive mode and this is a trigger for negative news and emotion.

So, if you really want the other person’s attention and actually want to discuss something that ought to be discussed, never ever use “We need to talk.”


Instead, use:

“I need your help in understanding <Specifics> so that <Things that will change after understanding>.”

For example, an employee is not delivering and you want to have a talk with him. instead of saying “Mr. X, please suggest a time, we need to talk” use the pattern:

Mr. X, I need your help in understanding <what problems are holding you back from delivering results> so that <we can address those issues>. Can you suggest a time for discussion?

This template will make a lot of difference in the way you get the response! Change the way you communicate to get the result you want.

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